Principal Jane Danvers
To do difficult things is part of the great joy of learning and a necessary part of growing into a capable and confident young adult. Whether it is struggling with a maths problem, building insights into how history impacts the present, defending your position in a debate or facing homesickness whilst camping in Cape York, learning requires us to step forward into uncomfortable spaces.
Recent reports from the World Economic Forum and McKinsey cite the capacity to be flexible, adaptable, and cope with uncertainty as among the top ten skills necessary to thrive in the future world of work. For our girls to become agents of their own learning, our teachers design opportunities to extend and stretch their thinking, to develop their social and emotional learning and to build important life skills. And our girls lean in.
The journey is not always smooth. Facing challenges, trying something new and failing or not getting the outcome you hoped for can be stressful and disappointing. There is no doubt when our children are upset or hurt, we feel it tenfold and our love for them means we want to step in and solve their problems or take the pain away. Yet if we had never let our toddlers fall when they were learning to walk, if we stepped in and always carried them, we know their healthy development would have been severely impaired.
The challenge for loving parents and dedicated teachers is to know when to step back and to let our girls work through issues on their own. We do them a great disservice if we don’t allow our young people to spend a little time in the struggle. As the caring adults in their lives our role is to guide them through the discomfort of challenge but not remove it because this is actually where the magic of learning and growing happens.
Dr Lisa Damour, clinical psychologist and author specializing in the development of teenage girls and young women reminds us that “The ability to persist in the face of difficulty may be as essential to success as talent or intelligence,” She argues that long-term developmental and emotional needs must be privileged above minor discomfort or short-term happiness. She
challenges us to step back and give our daughters the space to face the trips and falls and to build the resilience to solve the problems that face them.
Of course, there are always circumstances when adults should step in, but it is worthy to give our children a window of time to see if they can, with our encouragement and belief, work through their problems themselves. To give them time to construct their own solutions. To practise different ways of advocating for themselves. To recognise that not everyday things go as planned and that disappointment passes. To learn that it is in these moments that we learn most. We readjust, pick ourselves up and move forward.
We want our girls to be resourceful, adaptable, and able to self-regulate. To dare to innovate, to ask questions and to persevere in accomplishing their goals despite obstacles. We need to trust that in the same way we watched them learn to walk, they will also learn to navigate their success as learners at school and well into their future lives.